Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Through the eyes of a Pizza Dude

For three years after my divorce, I worked as a Pizza Dude.

Thirty-five hours every weekend almost every weekend for three years while my ex watched the kids. (I have them through the week) It wasn't something I was especially proud of, but you do what you gotta do to keep the mortgage paid and food on the table.

Everybody likes pizza.

Doing something like that, I think, gives you a different perspective on life. I suppose that's true with most any service industry job. So, I saw a little bit of everything, from the richest of the rich to the poorest of the poor. A few of them still stand out even today.

The Drunken Gay Man. Probably the funniest delivery I had was to a drunken gay man. It was funny because he earnestly hit on me the moment I got there till the moment I left. I think all heterosexual men should be hit on my a drunken gay man. Puts a little perspective on what it must be like to be a woman in a bar.

The Crack House. The scariest delivery I made was to a crack house. Now, by all means, I'm not a small guy, but I was frikk'n scared. I didn't know it was a crack house until after the guys had me come inside to pay me the money. All I could think of was, I've got over $200 in my bag, and I want outta here!

The Weird Kids. I made several deliveries to this house. It was weird because there was a bed in the living room and more than once it looked like the kids (10-14) were messing around under the covers.

The Half Naked Woman. I feel bad about this one. It's not like it first reads. As I was making my run on a cold winter evening I passed up this woman running in the snow with no coat on and very little else on. I thought that was pretty strange until a block later I saw a man walking in the same direction. Yeah, she was running from him. I should have stopped somewhere and reported it, but I didn't. And by the time I got back to the store, they would have been long gone.

The Wife Beater. Another one I'm not particularly proud of. Walked up on the porch to see through the crack in the curtains a woman being thrown down on the livingroom couch. I didn't quite know what to make of it until the guy came to the door, angry, and demanded to know how long I had been there. I knew exactly what was happening then.

(to my credit, I did report a bunch of kids beating the crap out of another little kid)

The Hooker in the Hotel. Don't know for sure... the other drivers said she was. The hotel security didn't leave us alone long enough to find out any different. (definately a good thing)

Unfortunately, I didn't get The Woman whose Bikini Top Fell Off, that was the other delivery driver. He had a knack for getting all those kinds of deliveries.

But then...

He never got hit on by The Drunken Gay Man... Ha ha ha... In your face... Score!!


At June 26, 2004 at 1:02 AM, Blogger mona said...

what's better than being earnestly hit on?


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